published in Volume 1, Issue 2 on March 15, 1994
1. I used to catch foul balls on the chin & explore the bloody spot with my tongue. 2. I would load up the bowl of oatmeal with an evenly graded heap of brown sugar & wait for the milk to soak it through before breaking the surface with my spoon. 3. A balloon will listen quietly to your advice then turn right around and do its own thing. You can't wag it the way you wag your tail. 4. You can ask a hen to tell the truth you can even ask your creditors to tell the truth. You can ask them to cockadoodle-do but only the politician will do it. 5. My back has ached since I came of age I was in labour for over a decade I have shamed myself beyond comprehension numberless times but I've never yet actually laid an egg. 6. When I'd sharpened the ax he inspected it & joked "Sharp enough to pick your teeth on." Then he peeled off a sliver from the nearest log & used it for a toothpick. 7. Vulpine: crazy like a fox. 8. The beaver, unable to outrun his predator will chew off his own genitalia to leave as an offering or distract his pursuer. Once, so far gone I believed the thought police were after me, I ate my own marginalia. 9. Having canoed into the woods twenty miles from the only road on the map we portaged a low hill & were almost knocked from our feet by the stench of the smoke from the pulp mill turbines that soon came into view. By the time we'd returned the canoe to the water we all had to sit on the ground & cough our lungs clean. 10. Then he laid the ax against a log took out a pair of yellow-handed Robertsons & tapped out a jazzy drum solo. 11. I also ate my hatband once. Why I have forgotten. 12. Oh, that? I've never seen it before in my life. How did it get attached to me? Begone, tail! Yap! Yap!