published in Volume 2, Issue 5 on November 8th, 1995We've secretly replaced Matt Mason's normal column with new Folger's Crystals; let's see what happens:
Everytime I open a magazine or newspaper, it seems that there's something new on the World Wide Web. I, myself, am pretty fascinated with that whole tetrazini, though a few things keep me from really piddling around there.
Sure, I've been over at a friend's place in awestruck fascination as we waited for that whole damned file to transfer so that we could hear Godzilla roar on the Godzilla page. I've seen the nifty Morpo page and lots of other places.
But, truth be told, I'm still working off an Apple iie, a computer so outdated that if it breaks I'll have no choice but to use it as a suitcase, a candleholder, or perhaps a nice casserole dish as there's no one left who fixes these things.
I guess, technically, I do have Web access. Of course, with my computer's ASCII graphics and primitive ways, everything would look like Elton John's wardrobe closet put through a shredder, so it just ain't worth it.
And you out there may ask, well.. hey.. you edit that keen electric rag called Morpo.. why not just take all the cash flowing in from that enterprise and buy a laptop or a UNIX system.
Sadly, Morpo doesn't pay as well as it used to. Sure, I remember the old days when we'd be coated with expensive champagne, swimming in lentil-shaped pools full of marinara sauce and kiwifruit. But those days are over. Stiff competition from scads and scads (and scads) of other ezines has forced us to tighten our budget, eat more rice, and operate on Apple iie's.
And.. oh.. wait a minute. That's not us. We never had a budget. You want that ezine three doors down, the one with the plastic flowers and the ceramic gnome in the yard.
And why does everything smell like coffee?