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Next by Luna Ciulla
published in Volume 5, Issue 4 on December 1st, 1998

The Next time I see him

I will picture him naked - but I won’t approach him.

All the night long I will undress him with my eyes and caress him with my memory without saying a word. I will choose a spot far away - I will converse with others - but as I sip my wine, or check my watch, I will roll my eyes to the corner and look and unbutton and unzip and kiss his back madly and taste his wrists with my mouth. His jokes will make others laugh, his friends will tell loud stories, but I will keep half my mind occupied with his thighs, his past sighs.

The Next time I see him

I will stifle his attempts to converse with me. I won’t let him in, I will walk away and smile mildly, dismiss him. If I let him back in, he would be shocked, he would be happy to see what I still feel and how strong he stands in my memory and how the taste of his gaze means more to me than air.

The Next time I see him

will be the time I let go.

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