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Ho Ho Ho Ha!
A review of Knock Off
by J. D. Rummel

Joel, a fellow manly man, told me that one review of the recent Jean Claude God Damn flick, Knock-Off called the film "incomprehensible." This is about right. It borrows liberally from the Jackie Chan school of action and plot: Relatively innocent, likable guy (God Damn) in the middle of a rickshaw race (yes, I'm serious) is catapulted into the company of bad men and for the next 80 minutes lots of people get spin-kicked in the chops.

Director: Hark Tsui

Stars: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rob Schneider, Paul Sorvino

Rating: R

Release: 09-04-1998

Time: 93 minutes

Buy Movie at Here is the plot as best one ordinary man can recall it. God Damn and his comic relief, Rob Schneider, are both dealers in Hong Kong in the knock-off market (goods that look like name brand items but are in fact, sham crap, much like rebate coupons). Somehow, God Damn's cheap crap is integral to a bunch of Russians getting nano-bombs (explosives about the size of watch batteries) shipped around. The CIA does not want these explosives getting out and they enlist God Damn and Schneider, (who is actually a CIA operative) to… uhm, well, lots of shit blows up, and God Damn smacks a lot of folks with very slickly choreographed action moves that nobody could pull-off on the first try in real life.

So, Paul Sorvino, who is the head CIA guy and of course, a traitor, leads our heroes (God Damn, Schneider, an Asian, a black woman, a midget and a Viking (okay, I'm kidding about two of those, but which?) to a shipyard where more wild violence ensues. God Damn fights this coughing Russian, who has these nasty razors that he hides in his glasses (I'm still serious).

The movie concludes with Sorvino setting off lots of the nano-bombs via remote control. Just as he commits to pushing the plunger he notes that several of the mini charges have landed at his feet. The camera pulls back and as the ship erupts in green flames we hear Sorvino rip loose with "ho ho ho, ha!"

(for Joel, this was worth the price of the movie—that and the fact that this man helped produce Mira Sorvino)

The movie does offer lots of wild camera angles and crazy shots (phone rings and camera zooms "inside" to the electronic guts of the device).

Probably not enough to warrant paying full price for the movie, but an okay watch when it comes on HBO and you are bed ridden.